Today is Valentines Day, and the 17th Annual World Sound Healing Day. This event was created by a well known sound healer, Jonathan Goldman, who lives in Boulder, Colorado and I have been participating since 2010. I have compassion for those who are not feeling love in their life.
My heart is brimming over with love, but I have not always felt that way. There is a deep compassion in my heart for the emptiness and pain that others may be feeling today. This blog is a portion of my search for love.
I grew up a happy child and well cared for. I did not become aware of the fact that my heart had a big empty hole in it until my mother passed away in her mid 60s.
I grew up with loving parents but I don't recall them ever saying that they loved me. When I got married, I experienced the exact opposite. My husband and I said "I love You" every day and we felt it grow. He was raised with parents who expressed their emotions very openly, my parents thought that was "mushy". I remember being surprised when I heard that comment from my mother. She was brought up very differently than my husbands parents and openly expressed emotions were not the norm.
When my mother passed away I was in my mid 30s and I became ridden with guilt about my relationship with my her and the lack of love. I was not a very nice daughter and my sister and I fought a lot! My parents did a lot for us as children by taking care of our material needs, but did not openly express love with words. Many households are like this and I understand it.
After my mother passed, I became a mother myself and immersed myself into being a stay at home mom. When my son was around 3 years old, I began to feel that my personal life was shallow and I knew I needed something beyond a career or being a mother. I felt that there was something missing in my life and "fell into" exploring spirituality in a deeper way. As I grew in consciousness on this path, I still felt a nagging emptiness in my heart.
I was still holding onto the guilt from my childhood any my relationship with my parents that lacked love. I prayed and prayed for forgiveness for the way I had been as a daughter, I prayed for the emptiness and guilt in my heart to be healed. I prayed to connect with my mother who had passed away. I prayed for my father who had become alcoholic since my mother's death. There was such a deep yearning in my heart to heal this feeling of lack.
One morning almost 10 years after my mother had passed, I woke up and a tremendous pink light filled my bedroom. It appeared first as entering in through my bedroom window and then this beautiful light filled my entire room. I gasped in awe and my heart expanded and expanded. I felt the bathe of love that this light bathing me. This feeling was amazing and nothing I had ever experienced before. I knew it was an answer to my prayer.Tears of joy flowed down my face as I let the light in. I felt forgiven and knew something profound had just occurred. My prayers were finally answered!
There is more to the unfoldment of how love has had her way with me to open my heart further, but I will save that for a future time. Today, I share this story about my search for love and how my life path has brought deep compassion for those who are also yearning for love. Our paths are all different, but I understand you if you also yearn for more love in your life. Hopefully your prayers will not take 10 years to be answered! I don't judge the time that this took me. There is a power so much greater than our small selves that brings us exactly what we need when we need it.
From where I now sit in my life, I can truthfully say that the pink light that brought my heart love and forgiveness was only just a beginning for me. I send love, compassion and mercy out to all of you who read this who are searching for love. I pray that you never stop seeking love and that your heart opens more and more each day! I really believe that true love comes from within. When that is not showing up God sends us lovers, friends, beautiful sunrises and sunsets, children and so much more. Those outer reflections are reminders of who we are inside.
Life carries us along the path of Love so we can remember who we truly are.